There is a peculiar pleasure in watching someone miss the point of Stoicism. A musclebound YouTuber tells you that Marcus Aurelius was basically an early form of alpha male. A productivity coach assures you that Seneca would definitely have used Notion. Epictetus is quoted beneath a photo of a man meditating on top of a Tesla. There is even a Stoic dating course, which offers to teach the ancient art of not replying to texts.
It’s all quite mad.
And yet, for all the nonsense, Stoicism continues to hold an appeal – especially for those who suspect, quite rightly, that modern life has become a bit hysterical. If you are tired of shouting, panicking, and caring too much about what everyone thinks, then Stoicism offers something strangely calm: the idea that you could simply stop.
But how do you live like a Stoic without turning into a marble bust?
Let’s begin where they did.
1. Focus on What You Can Control (and Stop Pretending You Control the Rest)
It sounds obvious. And it is obvious. That’s why nobody does it. Most of us spend our lives worrying about things over which we have little influence: the economy, the weather, other people’s moods, the outcome of next Thursday’s maths exam. The Stoics say: don’t.
Epictetus, who started life as a slave and ended up teaching philosophy in a town nobody can pronounce (Nicopolis), insisted that freedom begins the moment you separate what is yours from what is not. Your thoughts, your choices, your actions – that’s your territory. Everything else? Foreign soil. Be courteous. Be decent. But do not invest your happiness in things that belong to fortune.
Try it. The next time your WiFi dies, say to yourself: “This is not within my control.” Then observe the temptation to throw your phone out of the window. (Observation, too, is within your control.)
2. Do Less, Better
Seneca, that brilliantly hypocritical millionaire philosopher, liked to say that life is short only if you waste it. He didn’t mean you should cram it full of activities. Quite the opposite. The Stoics believed that most of us become frantic precisely because we never stop to ask whether what we’re doing is actually necessary.
If you want to live like a Stoic, start small. Stop multitasking. Choose one or two things each day to do with intention. Speak less often, but more honestly. Don’t rush to fix other people’s feelings – most of the time, they’re performing their own version of madness. You don’t need to join the cast.
And in all things: leave space. Stillness isn’t laziness. It’s a kind of preparation.
3. Cultivate Indifference (But Not in a Horrible Way)
This is where people tend to go wrong. The Stoic idea of apatheia – freedom from passion – gets mistranslated as a lack of feeling. Apathy. That’s not quite right. The Stoics weren’t cold. But they were cautious. They knew that unchecked emotions – anger, jealousy, glee, despair – tend to hijack the soul and crash it into walls.
So they practised a kind of inward detachment. Not to become less human, but to become more human – to choose how to respond rather than simply reacting.
Imagine you’re insulted by a teacher, or ghosted by someone you fancy. The Stoic response isn’t to feel nothing. It’s to recognise that your worth isn’t determined by their opinion or their attention. You remain intact. You do not melt. You carry on, perhaps with a raised eyebrow.
4. Remember That You’re Going to Die (But Don’t Be Weird About It)
“Memento mori” wasn’t just a trendy tattoo idea. It was the emotional heart of Stoic practice. For them, the fact that we will die was not a tragedy. It was a compass. If you remember your life is finite, you stop wasting time on nonsense. You stop trying to please everyone. You stop pretending that being popular is more important than being kind.
But this is a delicate thing. One can go too far. The point is not to become obsessed with death, or to write moody poetry about skulls. The point is to value your minutes. To live as if time were precious – because it is.
So put down your phone. Go for a walk. Have a real conversation. Read something old and difficult. Or just look up at the sky and say, “How astonishing it is to be here.”
5. Don’t Do It Alone
The modern version of Stoicism can feel lonely. It is often marketed to lone wolves, self-optimisers, or people who spend too much time on Reddit. But the ancient Stoics knew that no one becomes wise alone. They believed in friendship, conversation, example. They wrote letters, taught students, advised emperors. (And sometimes failed – badly.)
If you want to live like a Stoic without going mad, find people who share your seriousness. Talk about virtue. Ask difficult questions. Learn to laugh at yourself. Take philosophy seriously, but not solemnly.
Above all: stay human.
It turns out that the Stoics were not stern monks, or smug minimalists. They were people trying to stay sane in a collapsing world. People surrounded by violence, vanity, and noise, who still believed that the soul could be trained. People who looked at the chaos of Rome and said: “We can do better.”
You don’t have to wear a toga. You just have to try.
